


It's ok

by LiquidMarble



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Side Story: Garden of Light, Sad, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiquidMarble/pseuds/LiquidMarble
Summary: Eiji always acts like he’s fine – he keeps smiling and joking like he finally managed to move on. Sing knows him better than this, but even he can’t change the way things are. Even if he really wants to.
Relationships: Okumura Eiji/Sing Soo-Ling
Comments: 6
Kudos: 32





	It's ok

**Author's Note:**

> I watched Banana Fish a year ago, and this shit still hurts as fuck. Feel free to join me in hell.

There was always something off about him. He kept smiling, he kept joking, being this wonderful spark of joy to everyone. He would look at me, he would rush his hand though my hair, he would kiss my neck and whisper sweet nothings to my ears. But there was always hint of lingering sadness in his eyes, there was always something weighting heavy on his heart. He made sure no one knew, but after so much time together I could tell there’s something wrong only by looking.

There were days like today when sun was high up in the sky and everything was just warm and light, when he was more open about his feelings. Not to the point of speaking about them though. He would just allow himself to be openly sad, allow me to see him somewhat vulnerable and shattered. He would sit on the floor facing the window and just stare into it like the world around just stopped. Sometimes he would tangle his arms around him almost in mockery of a hug, sometimes he would sit motionless, like an empty doll. I tried to reach out to him, but it never worked, and then I learned to leave him alone, cooped in his own thoughts. He never allowed himself to stay like that for long, shaking off whatever he was thinking about in less than it took me to finish my tea. Sometimes Buddy would come to him, nuzzle his furry head into his lap or lick on his face and then he would smile, sometimes even laugh in response to dog’s actions. And after that he would act like nothing happened. I keep pretending not to notice, watching him only from the distance, hoping that maybe he’ll finally be able to overcome his grief. But the truth is I already knew that he was lost cause.

Sometimes, when the day is right, he comes to me and ask for my attention without words. He touches me carefully on those days, like my body is not able to take anything else than gentleness. Then he would kiss me with his eyes closed and let me touch him in return, carefully and gently as well, as if he’s touched for the first time. It always hurts to see him like this, knowing that he’s thinking of someone else. But I care too much to stop. He’s quiet on those days, almost only silent pleads leaving his mouth. Then, when we finish, he just lie on his side, curled and not allowing me to touch anymore, his lids still shut tightly. Pretending is for him fine only up to this point. After, when he lies bare and spend, he’s finally true to himself and to the only man he ever loved. I don’t know what he thinks, but I know him well enough to guess.

His soul is always with him.


End file.
